Dungeons and Dragons

Many, many years ago – 22 to be exact I played Dungeons and Dragons down the pub with a bunch of Debenhams colleagues for the best part of a year, every Monday night.  In those days the Internet did not exist.  Indeed computers had only just been invented as far as I can tell!!!  The game was created entirely with our mental images. 

Those of us that played were seriously interested in fantasy literature from Tolkien to Donaldson to Peake.  AK hadn’t invented Harry P in those days.  Disc World and other commercial fantasies had only just emerged.  Alan Taylor, I have just remembered his name, was writing a Peake style novel of his own.  I loved it.  He gave me an update of his progress on a daily basis over lunch. His imagination was just beyond my belief. I so wanted to be in his story. 

Recently I went to see Avatar.  Despite its obvious commercialism I enjoyed the ‘fantastic’ story and its relationship to dying earth.  But I do wonder how much the computer, the Internet and its games have spoiled the imagination for future generations.  To me it seems just that little bit too easy to tap into someone else’s creativity.  At least with Tolkien, Donaldson and Peake you had to expend a little reading effort. 

As Joe Walsh once uttered “Can’t help think that I’m living a life of illusion http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tiOMu_Bf8Q

7.5 readability ease

Swinging the Lead

 An idiom that has some merits perhaps? It describes somebody who avoids work by giving the appearance of toiling but not actually doing anything significant. Its origins are in naval history when the leadsman would calculate the depth of water around the coastline by dropping a lead weight attached to a measuring line. Many a sailor feigned illness to secure the easiest of onboard jobs.A year ago, this month, my chief told me that he liked his staff to have pencil tossing time. I was amused by this metaphor which has stuck with me ever since. The comment has been reinforced recently by Michael Neill in his book entitled “You Can Have What you Want”.

Thing is! I don’t have a problem with work life balance. Never have done! Work has always been so exciting and rewarding. However, Neill mentions a quote from James Watson, a Nobel Prize-winning scientist. “It is necessary to be slightly under employed if you are to do something significant”

1. Because you need quality recovery time to give your body, mind and spirit a chance to recharge and 2. To allow the universe to catch up with you.

Now that makes sense to me. So Boys (and Girls)! Keep Swinging … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jRODPlfhys

6.3

LinkedIn Made Easy …

This is a slightly unusual blog post for me.  Anyone who knows me will tell you that I have been an avid fan of LinkedIn since early 2007.  I have over 500 connections that are real people with whom I have had some kind of business relationship.  As a business adviser I have been promoting the networking benefits of LinkedIn for a very long time, even before the LinkedIn tipping point took place. 

Now, a good friend of mine has recorded all you need to know in an eBook called LinkedIn Made Easy.  Linda Parkinson-Hardman is selling this book online for the next 30 days as an experiment to test the power of social networking.  In return she is giving away 50% of the profits to charity and giving 50% to her own social enterprise which supports women going through hysterectomies. 

I have downloaded this book, and read it with avid interest.  I have already said, I have been a LinkedIn fan for a long time, I have even participated in Linda’s online social networking course yet, even I have, learnt something I didn’t already know. 

The best bit about Linda’s book is that you can refer to it constantly.  The thing is it takes time to build your profile and even more time to develop your personal brand.  This book is one that you can pick up, and work through her suggestions in your own time. 

So if you are one of those who have yet to tap into the power of the connections you have on LinkedIn, please download this book.  It is only £4.99 and your return on investment (assuming you act on her advice) will be almost immediate.  You will also be taking part in the online social networking study AND donating to some deserving charities. 

To download her book click here:  http://www.whoselinked.com

And whilst you are thinking about it … have a listen to this:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiYbGsnzG_s

The House that Jack Built

I have been working with Vanda North on her Mind Chi project – you will hear a lot more about this next year as there is significant media interest in the work that she and Richard Israel are doing.  https://mindchi.com/Mind_Chi_Home_Page.php  Without going into details about my own circumstances I have learnt to appreciate a powerful lesson.  Being a fairly action orientated person, when I have needed to change my state I have done something physical.  However, I have learnt that I can do this with thought alone. 

We have two mental Chi that chatter away in our heads, one mischievous Chi that will give us a hard time about all sorts of stuff and one good Chi.  The trouble is the mischievous Chi is more verbose, and extremely loud in comparison to the good Chi.  So based on a premise by Jack Black I have created my own virtual house where I can go to escape the bad Chi and hang out more with good Chi. 

So far I have six rooms in my house:  I enter my house through a fairy door.  It is green and is in my back garden half way up the back wall, situated among the climbing clematis and wisteria. 

The first room is the amphitheatre which is my quiet place.  Some people think this is an oxymoron – so let me explain.  I sit at the top of the pure white amphitheatre with a cobalt blue sky surround and all the odd thoughts that come and go through my head, still do.  I hear them but because I am so far away from the stage on which they are acting, I cannot engage and whilst the mischievous Chi still witters it can no longer engage with my conscience thought.

The second is the car lot.  Here I can park all the problematic thoughts that I can’t solve right now.  The parking lot allows me to leave any problem for a short time yet I know I can return to it later when the parking ticket has run out. 

The third and probably most important room is the spare bedroom.  This is where I can put to bed the problems I have no control over, but worry me none the less.  Like all problem children, there is a good chance they will challenge the curfew but it is easier to remain resolute when you have decided the curfew in the first place.  Then back to bed they go.

The fourth room is the play pen.  This is where I go when I can’t sleep at night.  It is an empyreal place where I can be as creative as I like.  At the moment I use it for the creative writing I don’t seem to get done during the day.

My fifth room is the only one I have lifted from Jack Black’s ideology.  This is because I cannot create anything that better resembles where I need to be.  This is the energiser room.  Sometimes I need to go here just to get myself started – especially if I have been procrastinating over an issue for too long a time.

And finally, my sixth and favourite room is the autumn room.  I love autumn.  It is my most favourite time of year.  Here I can look at the colours and feel warmth kissing my cheeks, my neck and my lips.  I can scuff the scruffy leaves on the floor; I can pick up conkers and peel horse chestnuts, kick over acorns and gaze at red berries galore.  This place brings a smile to my face.  I love it. I am really happy here.

Each room has a special place in my head.  I go nowhere and yet I am half a world away when I choose to be. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1ODrXFmL-c

5.8

Perception V Reality

In his book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’, the late Dale Carnegie tells the story of Two Gun Crowley.  This is a man who was sent to the electric chair for shooting dead a policeman.  Crowley said of himself ‘Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one – one that would do nobody any harm.’

It was a gentle reminder by a new friend of mine, that people’s perception is their reality.  We were discussing an acuity he has about how people see him.  So entrenched was he in his belief, that his percipience could well be marred.  However, the constant repetition of his perception further ingrains his belief and further encourages others to accept this as the truth.

It doesn’t take much to build a reputation that you don’t want but a lot of effort to build a reputation that you do.  It is worth recognising that people will trust whatever good you say about yourself only when it is backed up by appropriate actions.  Whereas, self-deprecation whilst denied may be believed when you repeat it enough. 

Moreover, people are happy to take the word of others, gossip, even tittle tattle when the stories are colourful.  Plus they might add their own embellishments for good measure.  Reputation it’s not just a personal thing:  watch closely now … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKVPMEZNCuo

Just Ask

Actually – it isn’t that simple, is it?  I do think you need to consider whether, what you are asking, is something other people can answer. 

I am an active networker both on and off line.  I know that how you present your question will give you different responses. When you pose a question face to face you can always qualify it if it is misunderstood.  However when you post a question online it can be a different kettle of fish. 

This is a tenuous link but it’s worth a listen to this virtually unheard of Beatles track! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OKsR0dZQD0

I love Facebook for its intimacy and have had fantastic feedback from people close to me.  Twitter I haven’t ‘got’ quite yet but I am sure I’ll get there once I clear those from my in tray with the TwitterBug.  Best of all I love LinkedIn for its professionalism.  Recently I have had some fantastic answers from a couple of questions I have posed.

The second of those two questions has had the biggest response:  I asked:  “I want some bite size, amusing yet PC business anecdotes as an introduction to a business awards ceremony that I have been asked to MC later this year. Do you have any suggestions?”  Now I did have to qualify the question  after receiving a whole bunch of anecdotes about computers (PC) when what I actually meant was politically correct (PC) suggestions.  That will teach me not to use jargon!

However, I did have a private message back from one of my connections, the author and international speaking guru Nigel Risner.  He asked me to phone him on his private number.  I did – and in a second he ignited the flame.  This guy really ‘Had Me at Hello’.  Whilst I am not decrying the other anecdotes – I will be including all in my brainstorm analysis, Nig suggested the perfect ‘Impact Code’.  I was delighted.  He is a darling! http://www.nigelrisner.com

My other LinkedIn question asked for examples where miscommunication cost your company a fortune.  This will be the subject of my next Blog.  Watch this space…  In the meantime if you have any amusing one-line anecdotes about your business please feel free to comment.

Best Bits come out of the Blue with Blisters!

I had a weekend planned for interest factor.  A family wedding took me to Glasgow but in a city that ‘doesn’t sleep’ I didn’t think it right to miss out on other opportunities.  And any regular reader of my Blog will know that my interests are fairly eclectic.  Since there was a Jazz Fest in the city this weekend and the opportunity to visit the Macintosh Willow Tea Rooms http://www.willowtearooms.co.uk  there was enough to fill the in between flight times. 

 However;  at one point this weekend I had thought I’d died and gone to heaven! Really – that good! 

 It wasn’t the Orange Parade that marched past the Catholic wedding I was attending.  That was fairly impressive and a future Blog.  It wasn’t the purchase of a perfectly sized Macintosh mirror to hide a nasty stain that is lying there!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rz_zsouEVpc .  And it wasn’t the Central Station architect that did, honestly enthral me.

 It was the ¾ hour I spent falling in love with ‘Borders’ http://www.borders.co.uk/ waiting for said Tea Room to open.  Incidentally for a city that doesn’t sleep – it doesn’t wake up that early! 

 However, what caught my attention in the first place was a magazine in the window entitled “The Word”.  OK! so that would! And oh yes … having purchased and read it; I will be subscribing from now on:  http://www.wordmagazine.co.uk/.  Also, I found a brilliant live Paul Weller CD which I listened to (really loudly) on the coast road home from Exeter Airport, along with a bargain price Eagles Hotel California. 

 I digress!  Whilst I could have spent three or four more hours in that one place, I wouldn’t have had my cream tea in the Willow Rooms.  So I settled for two rather highly priced books (by my standards – normally buy my books from Oxfam) that will help me with some secondary research I am doing for several future projects. 

 Of course there is the brief visit to the Jazz Fest to mention but my feet hurt too much for that now.  Ouch!

 6.6

Going nowhere slowly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTXJfOd3qv4&feature=related

“There is nothing wrong with going nowhere babe, but we should be going nowhere fast!”

Love this phrase.  This is partly because I have no vision.  I really don’t know where I am heading and never have.  I am one of those who have managed to tap into what is happening around her and make a reasonable success of it.  I am great at having short term SMART goals but vision?  Well it just escapes me.

The other side of this equation is going nowhere slowly.  This has got to be so much worse hasn’t it?  At least if you are going nowhere fast you will get there and realise that this is or isn’t where you need to be, and if so turn around and head off in a more appropriate direction.  If you’re going nowhere slowly then life might just have passed you by at the point of realising it. 

This was quite an ah ha moment when I read Steven Taylor’s book Making Time.  http://www.steventaylor.talktalk.net/time.htm.  He delves into the psychology of time perception that is; why time seems to pass at different speeds and how to control it. 

You see for me this is all about action and notice. 

In the first instance Taylor suggests we need to avoid states of absorption, instead expose ourselves to as many new experiences and environments as possible.  In the second, be mindful when doing usual daily activities like taking a shower, or walking the dog http://thehiddenedge.wordpress.com/2008/11/29/all-items-of-value-have-been-removed/ and then finally switching out from our ego on a daily basis to meditate.

Taylor says that we shouldn’t be “Giving away the present to an unreal future which may never even come to pass.”  We don’t need to be fulfilled by future visions we can be fulfilled right here, right now.

6.3

Goodbye Cruel World!

I’ve decided to leave our world this weekend.  The weather is looking perfect for a sojourn into the Land.  I’m going to find a comfortable spot with a stunning view.  Once settled I will travel beyond the waterfall, into the mountains with Liand and Linden to escape the grim grip of Lord Foul.  Moreover, I am going to help them discover what’s happened to Earthpower; an energy that lends the Land its beauty.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxnugKFYdoI

Of course, they won’t know I am there; but I will be immersed, engaged and encouraging them all the way.  I will rant when they want to take the short cuts.  I’ll scold them for bargaining with the Land which has never yet proved to be fruitful.  I’ll remind them that for all the Devisers devious ways he can be defeated.  People might look at me weirdly in this world – but in the Land I am anonymous and can do this.

The more I think about escaping the more excited I am.  It is high time I switched off the Internet and finished this novel.  The remaining 500 pages I have left to read of The Runes of the Earth is the first of The Last Chronicles of Thomas Covenant trilogy. 

I so admire the creative writing of Stephen Donaldson.  There are two earlier trilogies which recount the adventures of Thomas Covenant.  He is a leper, who transcends time and space to become the Unbeliever, White Gold Wielder and temporary saviour of the Land until his death, in the last of the second Chronicles. 

I wish I was able to work words like Donaldson.  He creates a new language that is complex yet nonetheless compelling.  It is a tad easier to read than Peake or Tolkien but there is a dark juxtaposition between our world and the Land that doesn’t exist in the formers’ fantasies.

How wonderful would it be to have an imagination that can create a whole new world?  Kind of weird that the worlds these legendary authors have created are not perfect.  Mine would be!  Maybe that’s why I am well and truly stuck in this one?

6.2

Taking the lead in questions – part three

It is not easy asking leading questions. No wonder – it is hardly natural.  You would wouldn’t walk up to someone you didn’t know in the pub and ask them leading questions, would you?

 

“You’d like to buy me a drink, wouldn’t you?”

“You’re nice would you like my number?”

 

Asking leading questions outside of the courtroom is weird and almost rude.  Instead try telling a story about your business through leading questions as if you were in a court room. 

 

It might be a client’s story, a story of missed opportunities or failure to see the benefits perhaps.  There are numerous stories you can tell – pick your story, and then tell it with leading questions.

 

Get the other person saying yes from the beginning and throughout the story as much as you can.  Keep them, if at all possible, from saying no.  A no response is the most difficult handicap to overcome.  When your customer says no I don’t want or need that, all their pride insists that they remain consistent with their decision.  Even if they later think the no was wrong. 

So don’t begin by focussing on things on which you differ. Begin by emphasising and keep on emphasising on the things that you agree.  In a business setting getting a yes response means that your potential client is more likely to buy into your solution if you get them to agree; assuming, of course that it is in their interest.

·         “Hi my name is Laura, Laura McHarrie and you are – Paul Booker? 

·         You’re that guy who owns ooops!

·         The cosmetic vehicle repair company in Poole just behind Makro – right?

·         Excellent – I have heard great things about you. You’re pretty much the entrepreneur aren’t you?

·         I expect you’ve learnt a lot since you started ooops?

·         I bet you’ve spent quite a bit of time and money on personal development over the years?

·         So you must recognise how important it is to learn as much as you can from experts in their field?

·         If you had the opportunity locally to attend a series of expert master classes facilitated by a Cert Ed qualified trainer to ensure you get a tool kit that will help you apply the learning to your business directly – you’d be quite interested, right?

·         And if were to tell you that these master classes were heavily subsidised by the government at £150 for all six – would that make this opportunity seem even more interesting?

·         Let’s meet up on Tuesday or Wednesday next week to go through the programme and get you signed up, if it suits your needs?

·         Excellent does 2 pm sound ok?”

 

As I mentioned earlier, it’s not normal to ask leading questions. It is unlikely the whole conversation will end up as depicted above.  But the story allows you to practice the words and the message.  Come up with your own story that gets your business message across using the yes response technique. But use an inanimate object as practicing on your partner is likely to end you up in divorce court!

 

1. Limit your questions to ONE fact per question.  Two or more will simply confuse the story.

 

2.  You can use the tone of your voice to indicate that the statement is really a question. You don’t need to add do you, would you, couldn’t you to the end of each question.

 

Once you develop your command of leading questions, something amazing will happen. You will stop client, staff and maybe your teenagers from evading your questions.

 

Get the willing yes (could you – would you mind?)

 

One of the most common mistakes in asking for support is in the use of could and can; instead of would and will.  Theoretically, could is a question that gathers information; would, however is a request. 

 

John Gray said “Some people will think this is a big deal over nothing.  Could you, can even seem more polite than would you?”  But there is a big difference to some.  Could you put the rubbish out means are you capable of putting the rubbish out.  Unless you are incapable of putting the rubbish out you have no alternative but to say yes.  But you are not agreeing to actually put the rubbish out.

 

Tip 1 People are more willing to say yes if they have the freedom to say no.  If you extend the question to would you mind?  It softens it even more.

 

Tip 2 Whilst you ought to ask a question believing you will get a yes, accept with graceful ok if they say no and move on.  The chances are the next time you ask – that same person (remembering your grace) may be more willing to say yes.  It is worth remembering that research shows that most people don’t buy until they have been asked five times.  Most sales people stop asking after the third time.

 

Tip 3 The third tip is to remain quiet in the face of grumbling.  The act of grumbling is a sign that your request is being considered.  Do not interrupt just listen.  One of the key elements of assertive asking is to remain silent after you have asked.

 

So there you have it – some tips on:

 

Why direct questions are important, how you can use them and how you can develop your skills in using them.

 

Please join me for an online discussion I would be so delighted?  This article is split into three debating points in the BusinessXchange Forum. 

 

That’s it from me – Go Tango!

 

Sources and further reading material:

 

How to Ask Leading Questions by Elliott Wilcox

http://www.trialtheater.com/

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus – John Gray